How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
