um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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