Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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