FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
