i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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