What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
