Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize