I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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