i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
