i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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