What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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