I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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