also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
