Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
