yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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