Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What drink are we having for lunch?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
