it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize