No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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