i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
