I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
