i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
