Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize