Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
