You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
