They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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