Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
