careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize