i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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