Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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