Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize