No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
