its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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