playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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