I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
