Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
two words...techno handjob
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
