I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
