East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
