I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize