I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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