I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Randomize
