Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
