I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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