We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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