Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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