my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
