Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
