2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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