everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
