Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
