He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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