I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
