Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
