Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
