Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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