You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
