Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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