I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
