Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
