your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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