Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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