I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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