Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so let's talk penis.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize