..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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