there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
