the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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