Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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