Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
