Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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