I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Randomize
