I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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