cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He felt like a one man threesome
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize