You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
