woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
