I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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