No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize