For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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