We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
