Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
