if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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