I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
