Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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