pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
