What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize